My first Japanese experience

My interest in Japan was quite late. The first instance that I thought about Japan was in a conversation with a philosophy friend of mine. He was talking about Japan through the experiences of his brother, who suggested that having a relationship with a Japanese girl was a very unique experience.
As it turned out I went to work for an energy consultancy company that resulted in me travelling to Japan to collect research as well as to sell some of our multi-client studies. I did not know it at the time but I was wasting my time because I was just an analyst, and not the people to be talking to managers about buying a report. They clearly were none the wiser. Regardless Barlow Jonker had a good reputation, its just that they were not going to buy from me.
Of course I was impressed by Japan. Months later I would meet a very beautiful Japanese girl at the bus stop in Neutral Bay in Sydney. I was going into the city to work or to walk around the botanical gardens....likely both, as I often did my casual readings at work on the weekend.

I was intrigued after those much earlier conversations with my friend, so curious to find out what Japanese people were like. She was not a 'typical Japanese person'. Her cheeks were not drawn, she was dressed very sportingly, and her teeth were perfect. Approaching her was very awkward as she could not understand my English. The problem was not however her vocab but rather familiarity with my accent. She was living with a Japanese friend, and mostly talking to Japanese people at work. I was her first Australian friend. She was friends with a Nigerian guy, but he had distanced herself from her because a friend of his had jumped on her. So I think she had a trust issue with foreigners.

I inquired further on the bus and when the bus terminated at Wynyard Station, I asked her if I could join her. It must have seemed pushy, but she was ok with it. I walked with her to her trying to establish what she was doing? Where was she going? She kept on saying 'Rock', and I was saying 'What? Roll'n'Roll'? Finally 2km later we were at her 'work'. Anyway I met he boss and asked her if I could have lunch with her.

Alot of people might ask me. Why were you interested in a girl with whom you could hardly communicate? The answer is - I have always been incredibly curious, wanting to learn, but also I have always been very shy. In the week earlier I had convinced myself I was going to find a GF. Having been to a boys only private school I really had no idea how to talk to girls. How refreshing to meet someone who couldn't understand me anyway. It made it all so much easier.

Anyway in ensuing weeks I went to her workplace every Sunday for lunch, then on 5th week she called me, because instead I went to my father's place. So we got together Monday night with her Chinese friend. Anyway that was our first kiss. Just from observing her behaviour it was evident that she was very romantic about the occasion. She closed her eyes, and pressed her lips against mine. Much more innocent than any prior Australian experience.

In coming weeks our relationship quickened pace. Firstly my gay sharemate left, but not before stealing one of my shirts. It was a thin jumper which probably looked great on him. He had justified the theft by giving me one of his shirts that he didnt want. I guess he would call it a trade. It made me reflect on whether being gay was one big rationalisation, but actually I can't see anything wrong with homosexuality if you are so inclined. I think it doesnt matter what you do, so much as the motive for doing it.

The other event which transpired was that Kihoko - my new Japanese friend - needed to move out of her apartment because her friend was going back to Japan. I invited her to stay at my place. She agreed. It didnt take long before we had consumated the relationship. She was gorgeous.
In coming months we would spend more time with her friends since I really didnt have many good friends. I particularly liked the dynamic you get when you have 2 Aussie guys with 2 Japanese girls. It only works in a 4-way set. I couldnt relate to this guy if it was just the 2 of us.
I was at that time a very shy guy and Kihoko was a valued partner. Ultimately I would come to marry her, which was a mistake, but given my lack of meaningful relationships up until the age of 28yo, not surprising to me.
Philosophically I had a choice about locking in this relationship or attempting to find another. I decided to lock in the 'value (bird) in the hand is worth 2 in the bush' and marry her. She was really quite idealistic about it, whereas for me it was a piece of paper. Yep, it was a mistake to get married without more life experience. I was a wise man at 28yo, but in relationships, and understanding myself, I had alot to earn. It was clear I was not going to get any meaningful help from anyone else because I had never had any meaningful relationships.
Once we got married, things changed. I noticed that she was not so understanding. Before we got married she would hold things in. She would go to work and return home and say "Andrew, I was very upset with you today, but after thinking about it, you're right. I love you, etc". But after getting married, I noted a lack of patience. She suddenly felt entitled to press the issue and loose control, and sometimes it was over such frivilous issues.
The one which I will never forget was at Woolworths. Normally she would cook, as she was good at it, and not without appreciation. On this dayt however, having grown up with roast lamb, I decided to cook a roast 'like my mother used to cook it'. Clearly she had some issues of insecurity, because she thought belittled by my longing for a roast, likely seeing it as some preference I had for my mom's cooking. I was shocked by the magnitude of the slip, which was a total misunderstanding. The neighbours even called the police, and she was embarrassed to tell them. When I tried to explain the police say 'Wait we'll get her statement first'. After hearing her, they didn't even bother getting a statement from me.
Whenever I go to the police station, I know they are going to have a chuckle over that one. As it turned out, I was poorly equipped at that time to deal with her issues, and it was a good decision to leave her within the year. I didn't loose interest in Japanese girls. I've never had such an honest and supportive relationship in my life, so I went searching for another Japanese relationship. Not exclusively, just the feedback I got from Aussie girls was negative.
I have come to understand the reason why. I work through relationships, whereas I think western girls want to join up all the dots before they dive in. I think the 'scarcity' factor in my life, of possible relationships is a big reason for this choice. I dont see anything wrong with it, as I grow relationships.